


Cullen x Inquisitor

by puppypopcornpizza



Series: Cullen and Aedra [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Canonical Character Death, Dogs, Drunk Inquisitor, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Loss of Limbs, Mention of sex, Minor Injuries, Minor Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus, Nightmares, Swearing, a very truthful drunk inquisitor, like really fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-18 12:24:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 12,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8161985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puppypopcornpizza/pseuds/puppypopcornpizza
Summary: Aedra's left handed... I know, I'm a horrible person.





	1. First gift

She waited in the top floors of the tavern like he’d said, where was he? It’d already been twenty minutes and it wasn’t like Cullen to be late. Just then, she heard footsteps on the stairs.

“There you are!” He walked towards her, carrying a small parcel covered in light green paper in one hand.

“What’s this?” She asked, leaning against the railing.

He only smiled, coming to lean against the railing next to her. 

“Tsk, tsk. Have you forgotten the date?”

She laughed. “I am well aware of the date, Commander.”

“What is it?”

“30th of Harvestmere.” 

“And do you know what happens today?” The grin on his face widened, and he pushed the parcel towards her.

“Cullen… you don’t have-” 

“I want to.” He insisted. “Go on, open it.”

She looked down at the parcel, it was a small thing, barely bigger than her hand. The green paper was wrapped around it, and golden ribbon was wrapped around the paper. 

She reached for the parcel and began tearing the paper off of it. Inside was a black box, she opened the small box to reveal a silver ring with a silver chain tied to the top of it.

“Oh Cullen…”

“Read what’s on the ring.”

She picked up the ring out of the box, and read the words inscribed onto the ring. 

_Emma lath bellanaris._

As she read the words, she felt a tear escape her eye. As she turned to him, the smile on her face grew.

“I take it you like it?” He asked, laughing when she threw her arms around him. 

“I love you _so_ much.”

“Happy Name Day, love.”


	2. “Can I hold your hand?”

The sounds of laughter and the smell of alcohol surrounded them as they sat at the large table.

Aedra had come by his office earlier, inviting him to Wicked Grace at the tavern. He had reports that he had to do, and he told her this, but somehow he ended up following her out of his office when she left.

“Sera, you’re not getting me drunk again.” Aedra spoke from her place next to him. “Not after last time.”

“Hey!” Sera spoke with a mouth full of cookie. “It’s not my fault that you’re extra honest when you’re drunk.” Sera glanced at Cullen for a moment before she burst out laughing.

“I honestly do not even want to know.” Cullen shook his head and took a swig from the mug of ale in front of him. 

“We’re playing Wicked Grace.” Varric spoke up from the end of the table. “Not what Songbird thinks of Curly’s voice.”

“ _What?_ ” Cullen asked with a confused expression.

“Not “what”. Wicked Grace.” Varric corrected, Sera laughed even harder when Aedra’s face began turning a shade of pink. 

“Right, who’s betting first?”

* * *

“Well that was fun.” Aedra leaned back in her chair.

When they’d finished their game, and a whole lot of drinks, Sera and Varric left Cullen and Aedra at the table, and Sera starting to giggle once more when she started to leave.

Cullen stretched, happy that he discarded his armour before he left his office. “You’ve a very interesting idea of fun.” He teased.

“Aww, have we a sore loser here?” She sat up straight and fiddled with her empty mug on the table.

“I am not a sore loser.”

“I beg to differ, I recall you being _very_ upset when I beat you at chess yesterday.” She smirked at him, still fiddling with the cup on the table.

“You must’ve been dreaming.” He said, crossing his arms on the table.

“Mhm, just a dream. I’m sure.”

A pregnant silence fell over them, Cullen regularly glancing at her hand on the table. It was so close, he just needed to reach an inch further.

She noticed how close their hands were from each other and glanced up at him, as if silently telling him to go for it.

“May I?” 

Her answer was them lacing fingers, and he simply smiled in response.

They sat there for hours talking, their hands laced the entire time and Aedra occasionally dropping a joke on how he should take better care of his hands, even though hers looked just as bad.


	3. “Here, let me.”

 “No one told me,” Aedra grumbled, struggling to cut an apple with her right arm. “that losing an arm would be this difficult.”

 It had been six months since her encounter with Solas. Six months since she disbanded the Inquisition. Six months since she’d gotten married to Cullen, _married_. Maker, when she’d met up with him at the Winter Palace during the Exalted Council, marriage was the last thing she’d have expected him to mention. 

 She was so lost in thought that she barely heard Cullen walk into the kitchen, only when he hugged her from behind did she notice his presence.

 “And the mighty adventurer returns from his quest.” She jested, placing the knife on the table next to the fruit, and kissing him on the cheek.

“Don’t forget his mighty steed.” He chuckled. 

“Mighty slobbering steed.” 

“Slobbering indeed.”

“Mhm.” She closed her eyes, and leaned into him. He noticed the knife and the half cut fruit on the table on front of them.

“You know you've a prosthetic from Dagna in our bedroom, why don’t you use that?”

“I like a challenge.”

“Right.” He replied, taking his hands from around her waist to the knife. “Here, let me.” 

She watched as he picked up the apple and began slicing it. “He had to take my left arm.” She joked.

His only response was a small laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aedra's left handed... I know, I'm a horrible person.


	4. "Your eyes are amazing… do you know that?"

The candle flickered as he moved his hand past it to fetch the next report. Cullen’s eyes began to sting from the lack of sleep, he brought a ink stained hand up to his face, using his forefinger and thumb to rub his eyes. 

He had been in his office, looking over and writing reports, for a few hours now – he’d lost count. He looked up towards the window to find darkness outside. How long had he been in here? Did he miss dinner again? 

He stood from his chair and put his arms overhead to stretch, relishing in the relief of finally giving his muscles some movement. He made his way around the desk in the middle of the room, towards the western door of his office. 

Pushed under the door, he was surprised to find a small note bearing his name, written in very familiar script. 

He bent down to retrieve the note, grunting slightly on his way back up. Maker, he needed to move around more. 

He opened the note to find a short message from the Inquisitor. 

> _You missed dinner again, so I took the liberty of saving you some – you’re welcome, by the way._
> 
> _But honestly I’m worried about you, this is the third time this week. You need to eat Commander, you are not invincible._
> 
> _This was supposed to be a short, sweet note. My apologies, but you bring out the worried mother in me._
> 
> _Meet me in my quarters when you’re done. I will be awake, so don’t fail to show and make an excuse tomorrow about how I ‘was fast asleep and you didn’t want to wake me’. I’ll be very cross if you don’t show._
> 
> _See you soon, emma lath_
> 
> _Aedra_

He smiled at her words, she knew him too well, she knew that he’d be too polite or try to convince himself that she was busy. But she knew, and that’s why she made it very obvious that she’d be awake. He peeked his head out the door, and found that the her quarters were still alight. He contemplated on staying, but perished the thought and made his way out of his office, closing the door on his way out. 

The cool night air hit him instantly as he made his first few steps out, he slightly regretted that he only wore a thin cotton shirt, but welcomed the cold as a way to clear his thoughts. 

* * *

The trip to her quarters was short, and before he knew it, he was at her door. He noted that it was slightly ajar – Aedra’s doing, no doubt. The warm candlelight shone through the gap, and there was a faint smell on lavender from the room. 

He pushed the door open and made his way up the stairs, making sure to remain quiet in the event that she was asleep. 

When he got to the top, he wasn’t surprised to find Aedra fast asleep on the couch by the stairwell, two glasses and a bottle of wine sat on the small table beside her, and next to the wine was the dinner she’s saved for him. 

He gazed at her sleeping figure, she was still in a sitting position with a hand under her chin as support. Support he no doubt thought would have a cramp in the morning. 

He walked over to the couch to get a better sight of her. She looked so troubled when she slept, like she was fighting a monster in her head. She never complained about it though, she always kept her troubles to herself and apologized when she accidentally let a small detail slip. He wished she wouldn’t do that, keep her troubles to herself, he wanted to help her as she did him. But he didn’t want to push, she’d tell him when she was ready. 

Another glance at her made him almost burst out with laughter, she had fallen asleep in the most… _adorable_ position. He felt as if it were a crime to wake her.

He made his way to her bed and adjusted the covers so he’d be able to slip her into bed. He walked over back to her and carefully pulled her into his arms, and picked up her off the couch – luckily for him, the Inquisitor preferred roaming her bedroom barefoot. 

On his way back to the bed, she began stirring in his arms. 

She opened her eyes and looked up at him with a half hooded expression. “Mhmm did I fall ‘sleep?” Her voice was slightly croaky as she asked the question. 

“You did.” He chuckled. “Is this the part where I get to be cross with you, for not keeping a promise?” He felt her laugh in his arms. 

“No.” She said, the consciousness returning to her. “I’m the Inquisitor, that isn’t allowed.” 

He carefully set her down on the bed and pulled the covers over her body. “Well that’s certainly unfair.” He tried to sound dramatic but failed, laughing mid-sentence. “I’m the Commander, that has to count for something.” 

“You are the worst at feigning!” She laughed and pulled him down to sit on the bed, he sat down on the bed and leaned over her body, putting his cheek to her stomach. 

They smiled at each other with content, he loved this about her. The way she made him laugh and smile. He loved her smile and her laugh and… _her_. 

Her head rested on a few of her pillows, it was just enough for her to look down at him on her stomach. Makers breath, but this woman was gorgeous. The kohl that lined her eyes was slightly smeared from her sleeping, her long hair was down and fell in loose curls. And her eyes, Maker those eyes, they were like two enchanting emerald orbs. 

“You’re eyes are amazing, do you know that?” Her words surprised him slightly. 

“My eyes?” 

“Yes your eyes, they’re like…” She trailed off, trying to find the right words. “Like looking into the eyes of a Mabari. No wait, a lion!”

“A lion?” He smirked at her. The way she would just get excited so easily, it made him think of her as a child, but he was grateful for that, for her personality started rubbing off on him. He’d noticed that in the past few months, he was happier – more childlike even. Some may say that immature, but he loved that she had that type of influence on people. 

“Yes.” She grinned. “From this day forth you, Cullen Stanton Rutherford, will now be known as the ‘Lion of Skyhold’.” 

“You are ridiculous.” 

“The ‘Lion of Ferelden” suites you more, don’t you think?” 

“You are insufferable.” 

“Yet somehow, you’re still here.” Her smile made him feel like he’d fall over if he were standing. 

“I’m here,” He began moving up the bed. “because I received a note from a certain Inquisitor stating that she’d be awake at this hour.” He put his hands either side of her head and straddled her hips. “Yet when I arrived, she was fast asleep.” He gazed at her lips and began lowering his face to hers.

“She seems very untrustworthy.” 

“Not at all. She’s beautiful, smart, witty and I love her.” 

“I’m sure she must love you if you speak of her that way.” 

“I hope she does.” 

“She does.” And with that, his lips were on hers. 


	5. “Could you be happy here with me?”

_Everything feels like it was worth fighting for._

Was it? This feeling – this _emotion_ Aedra felt made her feel otherwise. Even though her and Cullen had gotten married more than six months ago, his vows still rang in her head. That was before the trouble with the Qunari, before Solas, before she lost her arm. What if he meant the words then, but not now? What if every time he’d said “I love you” to her in the last few months, he didn’t mean them and they were just hollow.

She felt useless, she _was_ useless. She couldn’t make their bed or clean even, Maker she couldn’t even cook without needed Cullen in some silly simple task that she should be able to do herself.

The dog scratching at the front door snapped her from her thoughts, she set the book she had been reading down on the dining table and made her way to the door, giving the Mabari a scratch behind the ear when she’d gotten to the door.

She opened the door to find Cullen holding a few boxes stacked on top of each other under his chin, he wore a wide grin on his face that made Aedra smile a bit too.

“And why are we so happy?” She stood out of the doorway and watched Cullen make his way to the dining table with the boxes. 

“So I have noticed that you’ve been a bit gloomy lately-” 

“I have not-” She pouted when he stepped closer to her and gave her _that look._ Damn it, this man knew her too well. 

“-so I thought I’d do something to make you happy…” He trailed off and widened his eyes slightly. “Or this might even make you more depressed. Maker what was I thinking, you’re already so down and I’ve just made it worse. I made it worse didn’t-” She put her hand on his cheek and smiled softly at him.

Ever since she’d lost the arm, he’d been very respective of her space, he only spoke when she prompted the conversation and asked her permission before giving her affection. His caution touched her, but that didn’t stop her from doubting at times.

“Hey, you have to breathe, and no, you’re not making anything worse so please calm down. You’re very cute when you get worked up though.”

His breathing returned to normal as they locked eyes, he mirrored the smile she wore and turned his head to her hand to kiss her palm.

“It seems I’ve been very worked up lately, doesn’t it?” He chuckled and lowered his lips to hers, his eyes fluttered shut ever so slightly. But he stopped halfway, thinking that he was pushing too much.

She wanted to pull him down and smash their lips together, but he’d already turned around and made his way back to the boxes on the dining table. Hiding her sadness, she walked over to the table. Her suspicion grew with every second she stared at the boxes. What was in those boxes that made Cullen so happy?

She watched him open the white box that sat on top of the stack, it looked as if it held a few books and papers inside. She eyed his hands curiously as he pulled out a book filled with papers that looked like letters and other missives of the sort.

“What’s that?” 

“This-” He held the book with the deep burgundy cover up. “-is a very important book.”

She raised a curious brow at him. “Important?”

He nodded. “It holds a few notes and letters from a familiar party.” 

She tilted her head to the side and looked down at the book and back up at him. Cullen smiled at her and handed her the book, a look of suspicion still on her face as she took the book. 

She set it down on the table and ran her fingers over the cover. It was a very plain book, the only thing around it was the burgundy cover and around the edges, loose papers of different colors peeked out. 

She opened the cover, and sitting on the first page, was a folded letter bearing her name. She looked up at Cullen and saw how he was equally excited as he was nervous. 

She unfolded the letter and read over the words, her eyes widened the more she read. 

“Cullen this is from-” She put her hand in front of her mouth and felt tears begin to form in her eyes. “This is from my sister.” She whispered and looked up at him, his smile was widened and she could see tears glistening in his eyes. 

“Leliana said that she had her scouts go through the remains of where… you know. She was to give to you when the Exalted Council was over, but you-well you left so suddenly and… and I-” He stopped when he felt her arm around his neck, smiling, he put his arms around her waist. 

“Thank you _so_ much. I love you _so much_.” He hugged her a little tighter and felt her bury her face into his neck. 

He didn’t dare let go before she did, they stood there hugging for what felt like hours. He ran his hand up and down her back, sometimes stopping and tickling an area before continuing again. 

“Are you happy with me here?” He almost didn’t believe that she’d said the words. 

He let go of her and she did the same. She looked at him with so much hurt, like she really believed that he wasn’t happy with her.

“Aedra _I love you_ , of course I’m happy with you.” He locked eyes with her. “Why would you think I’m not be happy with you?”

She lowered her gaze to her bare feet, but returned her it to his face. “I’m broken, _useless_. I can’t do anything without needing you, aren’t you tired of me not being able to do anything on my own?” 

“Listen to me. I love you, I’m here because of that. I am here because I couldn’t go a single day without you, and I’d most definitely go mad if I did.” She didn’t looked convinced, of course she didn’t. He knew the feeling that she had well: Useless, like all the motivation was drained out of the body. She felt like she was defeated, she _gave up_. 

“And-” He spoke up again. “-I’m broken too, don’t two broken people make a very fixed relationship?” _That worked._ She had a small smile on her lips, he placed his hand on her cheek and used his thumb to wipe away the tears that had fallen. 

“You’re jokes are still horrible.” Her eyes still glistened from tears but she laughed. 

“I suppose that’s just another reason why I need you in my life.” 


	6. "Don’t walk away from me."

Rage bubbled inside him as he made his way to the Herald’s Rest. How could she have been so unmindful of her own safety? Did she not know that she could have gotten seriously hurt or worse? **  
**

The sound of laughter and singing didn’t even remotely help with his anger, he tuned out his surroundings and focused on one thing, one _person_ only.

_Aedra._

He practically stomped up the stairs, ignoring the greetings he received from Cabot and a few soldiers, earning himself an annoyed grunt from the dwarf.

When he did hear familiar laughter, he turned his head to find the source. He spotted Aedra sitting at a table with Iron Bull and Varric, the three were talking and he glanced at the bandage covering her hand and most of her forearm.

Cullen was planted in the spot, what was he doing? Causing a scene in front of the entire tavern, quarreling with the Inquisitor. It would be unprofessional, and Leliana and Josephine would most definitely kill him for arguing with the Inquisitor in the middle of a tavern as busy as the Herald’s Rest was.

With a defeated sigh, he turned and made his way back down the stairs. He froze in the spot when he heard Varric shout his name.

“Hey Curly, where’re you off to?” He looked towards the trio and saw Aedra look towards him with her mug covering her mouth. Cullen glaced at the stairs then back at them, would he be able to talk to Aedra without yelling at her over how careless she was to fight a dragon without the help of anyone else? He felt his anger begin to surface again and wondered if they’d find it rude if he just ran out of the tavern as fast as he could.

_Of course they would._

He slowly made his way over to the table and sat down next to Aedra. All the rage he had suddenly faded away into shyness and awkwardness as he glanced over at the woman next to him. She still had the mug to her mouth and a small smile hid behind it as she listened to Iron Bull talk about something to do with silk ties and a chandelier. Her hair was tied into a bun with ringlets falling out in the front that framed her face. There were cuts across her cheek, and she kept the hand with the bandage around it under the table, on her lap.

“So what brings you to the tavern?” Varric asked as he pushed a mug filled with ale across the table towards Cullen.

“I uh-” He fiddled with the rim of the mug. “I thought I’d take a break. Can’t work forever, can we?” He brought the mug up to his lips.

“Heh, those are words I’d have never expected from you, Curly. Has some of our Inquisitor’s personality rubbed off on you?” Varric wore a confused expression when he didn’t receive a reaction from Cullen. Usually Curly would blush or _something_.

Varric watched the both of them for a moment before realization dawned on him. Songbird going up against that dragon in the Western Approach had the Commander worried, he came up here to ‘talk’ about it with her, but ran away like a nug when he realized that what he was doing was probably a worse idea than what he had done with his hair while in Kirkwall.

As if reading Varric’s thoughts, Cullen spoke up again and turned to Aedra. “Inquisitor, would it be alright if we spoke someplace private?”

“Of course.” She set the mug down on the table and followed Cullen out of the tavern.

“I think Cullen got a few ideas from me talking about silk ties.” Iron Bull chuckled and took a swig from his mug.

“I don’t think that they’ll be talking about silk ties, Tiny.” 

* * *

Aedra barely kept up with Cullen’s strides, he seemed angry. It was the dragon, wasn’t it? Maker, she shouldn’t have taken on the dragon on her own, her muscles ached and so did her sprained wrist. Her leg also elicited a sharp pain when she walked, did she hurt that too? 

“Cullen, could you slow down. We’ve practically been through the entirety of Skyhold.” She spoke breathlessly. 

He walked on for a bit before he stopped in the kitchens, when the servants had left, he spoke. 

“What were you thinking?!” His voice was a harsh whisper. “Taking on a bloody dragon on your own, you could have-” 

“’I could have died, _or worse_ ’ Cassandra’s already given me this lecture, you are going to have try better, Commander.” She crossed her arms and winced at the pain in her left wrist. 

He glanced at her wrist then back at her face. “What happened?” He sighed. 

“I fell.” 

“And this has nothing to do with the dragon?” 

“It does, but if I tell you, you’ll probably have a heart attack.” 

“Aedra-”

“If you’re next sentence starts with ‘you should not’ I will run off to the Western Approach and find another dragon to fight.” 

He shook his head as a small grin played on his lips. “Aedra you shouldn’t-” 

“Nope.” She covered her ears and walked away from him. “I am not listening to anymore of your sermons, tell Josie and Cassandra I’ve run off to the Wilds to find a dragon.” 

“You can’t just walk away from me like this.” He called after her as she walked towards the door near the stoves. 

“Tell them that I’m looking for this dragon because the Commander would not listen to my warnings.” 

“ _Aedra._ ” 

“The Orlesians will be happy to hear that the Commander’s lover ran off and got eaten by a dragon. They'll love to hear that the Commander is open to romantic relationships.” She opened the door and made her way out. 

“You can’t possibly- wait, _what_?” He made his way towards her, and when he got to the door, he watched as she ran towards the stairway. Well she more _limped_ than ran. 

“The Inquisitor was a good woman.” She called out. The servants kept out of her way, and some giggled when they saw him standing at the door, others had a look of confusion and some weren’t even paying attention to them. 

He thought for a moment, his fellow advisers would not be pleased with him chasing after the Inquisitor… Then again, why did he have to care about what they thought?

Closing the door to the kitchen behind him, he set off to chase after the Herald. 


	7. “Zip Me”

The tavern bustled with laughter and chatter. From members of the Chargers singing at the bar, to the group of people surrounding the Iron Bull as he told a story of how he was chased by a giant. 

Sitting at the table closest to the door, were Aedra, Cullen, Varric and Dorian. The three had decided to spend the evening drinking at the tavern, and Aedra had convinced the Commander it’d be a good idea to join and relax from all the work he’d been doing. 

_Oh Maker, how he’d regretted saying yes._

The evening started off very relaxed, with the four talking about whatever had come to mind. Then the drinks came. He tried to keep sober, as he wished to not have a terrible headache the morning after. Aedra, however, did not appear as if she cared about the hangover. By the time Cullen, Dorian and Varric had finished their first mug of ale, she had already had two, going onto her third mug. 

What Cullen wished he had known before he accepted, was that Aedra was extremely honest when she was drunk.  

_Extremely honest about her feelings towards him._

In the past hour, she’d explained in detail how his voice _titillated_ her, and how whenever she spoke to him she had to struggle to not stare at the scar on his upper lip. 

Makers breath, he wished the ground would just swallow him whole. 

“I caaaan’t help it…” Aedra slurred and hunched over the table, one of her fingers tracing his scar from a distance. “I’s jus’ sooooo _sexy_!”

Varric had brought his quill and book along with him, and was writing everything she said down, “I won’t publish it, Curly. Promise.” Of course he would. 

Dorian watched the whole thing with a giant grin on his face, only sometimes stopping to hang his head in embarrassment for his friend making a complete fool of herself.

“Um…” Cullen was at a loss for words. He could feel his cheeks burning and knew that Dorian and Varric could see it. “Thank you?”

“No!” A smirk appeared on her lips. “ _Thank you_ , Commander.” 

Cullen brought a hand up to the back of his neck. He watched Aedra rise from her seat, round the table, and sit in the seat next to him. Her usual scent of lavender was replaced by ale or mead.

“Maker have mercy.” Cullen whispered to himself as Aedra leaned into his ear to whisper something to him. He watched Varric and Dorian wear amused expressions on their face while she spoke into his ear. His eyes widened when she finally spoke coherent words into his ear. 

“ _I want you to fuck me._ ”

Was that…? Did she really– No, no, she was drunk. She’d never want to… Makers breath. 

“Wha– You can’t possibly…” He stammered. What does a person say in a situation like this? Luckily, he saw that Dorian and Varric had started their own conversation and paid no attention to them.  

“I mean every word. I wan’you to kiss dow’ my neck and then’stick your–”

Without thinking, Cullen pulled her to him and pressed his lips to hers. He tasted the alcohol on her lips and heard her moan into his mouth. Her hands came up to the back of his neck to play with the curls there. 

When he’d gotten used to the taste of her mouth, he finally relaxed into the kiss. Even if he had only kissed her to shut her up, he still cherished the way her lips felt against his and how every time they kissed, she always brought her hand up to play with his hair. 

The sound of whistling caused them to finally break the kiss. Cullen watched as Iron Bull walked over to them with a knowing smile. 

“That’ll show the nobles, won’t it.” Bull joked and sat down next to Dorian. 

“Show ‘em what?” Aedra questioned Bull. 

“Cullen knows.” Bull chuckled when he saw Cullen avert his gaze. 

Maker, he’d never live this down. 


	8. "A kiss we had to wait for"

Cullen weaved through the small crowd gathered at the gates of Skyhold, hearing that the Inquisitor slayed a High Dragon made everyone buzz with excitement and anticipation to see her.

Everyone including Cullen. 

She left more than two months ago for the Western Approach and Cullen had counted down every day since, he tried keeping himself busy with reports or training but nothing compared to the jokes she’d always crack when she saw he was working too hard or how she’d make him spend time at the Heralds Rest almost every evening for some relaxation. 

Horns sounded as the gate lifted, at the bottom were the party, some were still on their horses and some were leading their horses. Cullen tried to catch a glimpse of Aedra but was unable to due to the crown that had grown around the party. 

Maybe he should wait until the excitement had dyed down? Aedra wouldn’t expect him to greet her, they only kissed and flirted with each other a bit, things like that meant nothing. 

No. No it did, it meant a lot. 

He pushed through towards the front of sea of people and finally saw her, Iron Bull, Cole and Sera, though his attention stayed on Aedra. Her armour had faint smears of dried blood in some places and was covered in dust in other places. He watched her let down her long hair from its ponytail and ruffle her hand through it, it was clean and damp in some places, Cullen guessed that she probably washed it somewhere during the journey back to Skyhold. 

She handed the lead to her Hart to one of the stable boys who had pushed their ways to the horses. A few people cheered her name and she smiled at them, the same happened to Iron Bull and Sera and they cheered back. Cole had just disappeared. 

She scanned over the crowd, was she looking for him? His question was soon answered when her eyes landed on him, a wide grin appeared on her face and he returned it with a half smile of his own. 

As she made her way towards him, more people cheered and called out her title for her to glance at them. She smiled to some, and greeted others personally that ran up to her. 

The closer she got to him, the more he saw how tired she was. Her smile was forced and her movements sluggish. He almost walked up to her and carried her to her quarters. Almost. 

When she finally got to him, she smiled up at him, a small smile but more genuine than what she gave the people. 

“Commander.” She slurred the word slightly but the smile stayed. Makers breath, he just wanted to hug her seeing her in this state. 

“Inquisitor.” He kept the half smile on his face and brought a hand to hers. She still had her gloves on – as did he – but he held it regardless, running his thumb over her covered knuckles. 

“I’d very much like to kiss you right now, but alas, it appears we’ve a flock of people around us.” She stepped closer to him and placed her head on his shoulder. “So this hug will have to suffice.” 

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her. “I suppose it will.” 

And they stood there for a few moments before retiring to the tavern for some brunch and drinks. 

* * *

By the time they left the tavern it was dusk and most of Skyhold began to quiet down. Aedra left and came back during their drinks to change into something more comfortable, saying that unlike Cullen, she couldn’t walk around in armour the entire day whether it was mage armour or not. 

They had only made a few paces before Aedra stopped them. 

“I believe I owe you a kiss.” There was a second of confusion before Cullen registered what she was referring to.   

“Y-you don’t have to. Kiss me, that it.” He bought a hand up and rubbed the back of his neck. 

Ignoring him, she stepped towards him and lightly tugged him down by his breastplate. 

Her whisper caused butterflies to form in his stomach. 

“I want to.” 

Her lips were soft, just like how he remembered them being on the battlements. The hand on the back of his neck went to her cheek and rubbed small circles there. 

The kiss soon started getting more intense. As soon as Aedra swiped her tongue over his lips, he opened to her. Her tongue tasted of the ale they just had. Both her arms went around his neck as an attempt to get closer to him, and his other hand went to the small of her back. 

She nibbled his bottom lip a few times and he returned the gesture, taking her bottom lip lightly between his teeth to gently nibble and suck it. 

When they both pulled away, they were breathless. Aedra giggled softly and kept her arms loosely around his neck. 

“Now _**that**_ was a kiss.” 

He chuckled. “Makers breath.” 

Her giggles carried on and he pecked her on the cheek. 

_This woman meant the world to him._


	9. “I’ve wanted this for so long.”

Moonlight shone through the glass doors and windows. The room was quiet, save for the occasional hoot from outside or a soft snore from the bed.

Aedra slept soundly under the covers, having burrowed herself into the blankets she looked very much like a blanket monster of sorts. 

Well in Cullen’s opinion she did. 

He sat at her desk looking over reports and writing a very important letter for a _very important_ Inquisitor. With, of course, a few glances at the bundle on the bed in front of him. 

He set the quill down and read over the letter. And smiled at the thought of Aedra’s face when he showed up to her quarters only a few hours back, it was the bright smile that he loved seeing on her face, the one that brightened a person’s mood completely. 

She was slightly confused at first, but pulled him into the room without hesitation. They spent most of the evening talking and cuddling until Aedra bundled them both up in the thick blankets and furs. Cullen made sure that she was fast asleep before he sneaked out to retrieve a few reports and a letter he’d been working on for a few weeks. 

Until now. 

He read over the letter once, twice, a million times maybe. He had to make sure it was perfect, that it had all he wanted to say and how he felt about her. He had considered just scrapping the whole idea, what if she thought it was silly? That he was too much of a coward to actually _tell_ her his feelings? What if she didn’t want to be with him because she thought his ideas like this were ridiculous? 

Now _that_ thought was ridiculous, Aedra was far better than that. 

Pushing away all the nerves he had, he cleared her desk of his reports and made his way back to the bed, hoping he’d awake after she read the letter. 

* * *

Cullen awoke with a gasp as he felt something jump onto his chest. He opened his eyes to find Aedra looking down at him with that beautiful smile of hers. He returned the smiled and saw that she had the letter in her hand, she pressed a tender kisses to his forehead, cheeks, nose, and lastly his lips. 

“You are just a big softy, you know that?” She laughed and he could hear from her voice that she’d been crying. 

_Please be from happiness._

“Well that’s what happens when a man can’t actually _say_ his feelings, he writes them.”

“You did poetry when you were younger, didn’t you?” 

“Possibly.” 

“’Possibly’?” She sat up and straddled his hips. “Does ‘I have truly wanted this for so long, and now that I have it, I feel as if I have been blessed by the Maker himself.’ sound like ‘possibly’?”

He sat up on his elbows. “I didn’t really write that, did I?” He reached out to the letter but she held it away from him. 

“No no no, you’re not getting this back. I’m keeping it until forever–” 

“Until forever?” 

“Yes, until forever. I will flaunt it to the Orlesians by framing it in the Great Hall. They will weep at the romance and sappyness.” 

He chuckled and placed one of his hands on her bare thigh, using the other elbow to keep him up. 

“Darling, I don’t think those are words.” 

“Oh I’m sorry, I’m not the poet here!” She feigned a hurt expression and brought a hand up to her chest dramatically. “I was not taught by the poetic gods like some people.” 

“I could teach you if you’d like?” 

She dropped her hand and the soft smile returned to her face. She motioned for him to lie down and laid down on top of him, with her head on his chest and the letter still in hand. 

“I think I like the poems coming from you, I’m terrible with words.” 

“Alright then.” 

The rest of their morning was spent talking about Cullen’s poetic past and Aedra reading the letter out to him twice. 


	10. Apodyopis - The act of mentally undressing someone.

The open space was a welcome feeling as Aedra stepped out of the war room.

She didn’t even want to think of what had just happened inside that room just a few moments ago. Makers breath, she would rather face this “Elder One” than go through what had just occurred a second time.

Cullen and her had gotten into a very heated argument over how she was considering siding with the mages because the templars seemed too much work to recruit.

Cullen, being the stubborn ass that he is, decided that she was being irrational by not looking at recruiting both sides. He was right, but she didn’t think it would be a good idea since the Breach needed to be closed as soon as possible and the mages seemed the quickest way to get allies.

The meeting had just ended and everyone was leaving the war room, Cullen and Aedra were last to leave. They walked together in a uncomfortable silence as they made their way down the hall, and had just gotten to the large doors of the Chantry when quickened footsteps caused the both of them to come to a halt.

“Herald! Commander!” The scout was breathless as he ran towards them. Aedra had guessed that he ran through the entirety of Haven looking for them from the look of his rather flushed cheeks and that he was very much out of breath.

“Is something the matter?” Cullen questioned the scout and protectively stood in front of Aedra. She raised a brow at the Commander’s sudden desire to defend her, considering they had just been arguing over the her siding with the mages not even ten minutes ago.

“A spy.” The scout huffed. “Two soldiers got into a fight, one claims the other is a spy.”

“A spy? Who would be spying on us?” Aedra questioned. The Inquisition was growing, but she doubted it was famous enough for people to already start attempting to infiltrate it.

“You’d be surprised.” Cullen turned to her then back to the scout. “Where is this fight?”

* * *

A crowd was gathered around the two soldiers, the fight took place near the training grounds and Aedra was sure she saw Sera on The Iron Bull’s horns with the both of them cheering.

Aedra followed Cullen to the front of the crowd and the source of the whole problem.

Two soldiers were in very aggressive stances facing each other, a human woman and an elven man. They both had their helmets on so Aedra couldn’t make out their faces.

Cullen stepped forwards and between the two soldiers. He pushed them apart from each other and stood between them as he rebuked them for fighting.

It was in that moment that Aedra’s eyes began to roam Cullen’s frame, though she tried her best to not make it obvious.

Aedra hasn’t really ever seen Cullen out of his armour but _Creators_ did she imagine what he looked like under all that metal and fur. She imagined his broad shoulders, running her fingers over them, kissing down his chest and all the way to his chiseled abdomen and lower to his…

_Makers breath, he was her commander! Why was she having these thoughts about him?_

_Unless… Maybe she had feelings for him?_

That was a _ridiculous_ thought, they’d met less than six months ago, it would be inappropriate to attempt to form a romantic relationship over a silly infatuation.

She noticed that the soldiers had parted ways and the crowd was beginning to scatter. Cullen was also making his way back to her and she could have sworn she saw him looking over her like she did him.

“That went well.” He began once he was close enough to her. “The suspected spy was sent to Leliana for interrogation.”

“I still don’t understand how we could already have people attempting to learn our secrets. Do we even _have_ any secrets?”

He chuckled and they began walking to the gates. “You’ll have to ask Leliana, I don’t actually know if we do.”

They both knew that the Inquisition had _plenty_ of secrets.

“Well, I’ll just–” Aedra was cut off when Sera threw her arms over the both of them.

“So what? You two not looking so thirsty at each other anymore?” Aedra could hear Sera struggled to speak calmly and not burst out laughing.

“I don’t exactly know what you’re on about.” Aedra raised a brow at the elf.

“You of all people should know, looking at ‘im like you did.”

Now _that_ she understood. Aedra could see Cullen did as well, as a blush began to spread across his cheeks and down his neck.

_Creators, she wanted to kiss down that neck._

“Could w-we continue t-this another time please?” Aedra stuttered and tried removing Sera’s arm from her shoulder but only resulted in her stepping closer to Cullen. Maker, he smelled _so good._

“Wonderful idea! We can continue this later, I’ve a few recruits that need training.”

“Yes! Recruits! I’ve got Herald business to attend to.”

Cullen and Aedra both shook off Sera’s arms and went their separate ways, Cullen to the training ground and Aedra towards the lake.

“Oi, Herald! Herald business is that way, yeah?” Sera gestured behind her, towards the gates.

“No, no. I’m very sure that it’s this way!” Aedra shouted back and broke off into a run.

Sera chuckled and made her way to the gates. “Bunch of dummies, can’t even notice they fancy each other.”   


	11. "Let me go"

Aedra took deep breaths as she strapped on her armour and braided her hair to keep it out of her face during battle. In just a few hours she would face this Viddasala and confront her, in a few hours she would hopefully face Solas as well. 

She felt a sting where the Anchor was and hissed as she shook her hand in an attempt to sooth the pain. What if she didn’t make it through this? What if the Anchor killed her before she could stop the Qunari?

_What if she went through that mirror and never saw Cullen again?_

The thought made her come to a sudden halt in the middle of the bedroom. Cullen was stubborn, he wouldn’t want to believe that she wouldn’t come back – she knew, she was the same. He’d probably want to come with her to protect her, or send the entire army with her just to protect her. 

She chuckled softly at the thought, _my hero_.

* * *

She dreaded every step to the mirror, mainly because she knew that Cullen waited for her to wish her luck. She greeted the two guards at the door with a slight bow of her head, and winced when the door shut behind her. Suddenly her heart began racing and she couldn’t focus on anything in the room. 

She watched Cassandra, and Bull make their ways to the mirror while Dorian stayed back to guide her to the mirror. _He knows you’re scared_.  

Of course she was scared! She might die in the next few hours, she’ll never be able to see Cullen again, or the Mabari they have yet to name. She’ll never get to run through empty fields at night or climb trees and relax as she watches her surroundings. She’ll never get to hug Cullen and be lost in his scent, his eyes, in _him_. 

Her breath began to pick up as she frantically searched the room, she almost burst into tears when she saw Cullen waiting for her with a sad smile on his lips at the mirror. 

She walked up to him and threw her arms around his neck, she felt his arms hold her just as tightly as she was holding him. _He was scared too_. 

“C-Cullen, you know I may not…” She couldn’t finish the sentence, she didn’t have the strength to. 

“I know, love.” His voice was shaky as he spoke and she felt him shake slightly. 

“If I don’t…” Her heart ached. She didn’t want to do this, why did she have to do this. “If I don’t come back, you have to let me go.” 

“I can’t do that.” He whispered into her ear and she heard his voice break. 

“Please.” Tears began to stream down her face. “This is hard enough already, we both know t-there’s a slim chance of me surviving. Please tell me if I die, that you won’t be alone. Please promise me that you’ll visit Mia and Branson and Rosalie if you’re feeling down, please don’t seclude yourself from people–”

“Aedra.” He sobbed into her shoulder. 

“ _Please_. I love you so much, I don’t want you to be alone.”

“I can’t.” His voice was all but a whisper.

“Please Cullen, let me go.” 

He didn’t speak for several minutes, and they stood there just holding each other. They both knew that this was the last time they’d be able to hold each other. They both hoped that it wasn’t, but they knew. 

“I-” His voice faltered, he didn’t want to say this. “I promise.” 

He raised his head and they locked eyes, Aedra placed a hand on his cheek and wiped away a tear that had fallen. She glanced down at his lips and he did the same. His lips were gentle on hers, tender even, but she didn’t want that right now. 

She swiped her tongue over his bottom lip and he opened to her, she didn’t care that they weren’t alone. She needed to taste him, to say a proper goodbye to him. To Cullen, her lover, her husband, her best friend. 

The kiss was over far earlier than when she wanted. He pulled her into one last hug, kissing her on her forehead before letting go. 

“I will _always_ love you.” His voice broke in the middle and she wanted to start crying again herself. 

“I will always love you.” 

And with that, he watched her disappear through the mirror. 


	12. “Shh, it was just a bad dream. Just a dream, okay? None of it was really.”

Cullen groaned as he used his forefinger and thumb to massage his tired eyes. 

He had been plotting out areas at the war table that had been attacked by demons or bandits in the past week for most of the evening, it was was now midnight and he felt his eyes begin to feel heavy. He put his arms in the air and stretched, glad that he had shed his armour before making his way to the war room. 

He rounded the war table and made his way to the large doors, Aedra had left him quite a bit ago and he assumed that she was asleep in his bed and not hers. Like him, she preferred the cool air and the sight of the stars in his loft.

* * *

The night was chilly and he had goosebumps by the time he got to the door of his office, he was careful to be quiet in case Aedra was asleep. She was a night owl, so he doubted it, but you can never be too careful. 

He removed his boots so they wouldn’t cause a noise when he climbed up the ladder, he also heard mumbles from above him. Aedra was definitely in bed. 

When he got to the top of the ladder he found her fast asleep on the bed. Her legs were tangled in the sheets and she only wore one of his tunics. When he walked closer to the bed he saw that her brows were furrowed and there was sweat across her forehead. He recognized this too well. 

 _She was having a nightmare_. 

Cullen gently pulled the sheets from around her legs and put them to the side, he checked her forehead and felt that she had a fever so he fetched a bowl of water and a cloth that he kept in the corner of his room. 

He set the bowl on the nightstand and sat down next to her, she stirred slightly but did not awaken. He looked to her once more and saw that tears began to form in her eyes and she mumbled “No.” repeatedly to herself. The sight made his heart ache, he wanted to help her but knew he had no control over what happened in her head. 

He brought the damp cloth to her forehead and cleaned the sweat off her skin, he also went down her neck before placing the cloth back in the bowl.

“It’s just a dream, okay? It’s just a dream.” He whispered and laced their fingers together. She gripped his hand tightly whenever she mumbled something or whimpered. 

“Don’t leave me… Don’t take him.” She murmured.

“You’re okay, you’re safe. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” He reassured her and gave her hand a small squeeze. 

As he watched her his mind began to wonder. How long had this been going on? She’d never complained or spoken of having nightmares before. He shook his head, Aedra was never one to complain about injuries or emotions. She listened when he or other members had complaints but rarely complained herself. Sometimes he wished that she did, he wished that she would tell him of these things so he could help or comfort her.

Maybe she didn’t trust him enough? She had her own demons like he did, maybe she just preferred to keep to herself? They hadn’t been together for too long so maybe she just didn’t wish to tell him at all. 

His attention snapped to her as her breath began to pick up, she grabbed at the sheets and at his hand. She was mumbling things like “Don’t leave.” and “Stay away.” to herself as her breath continued to pick up. Maker, he hated this. 

“Nonononono.” Her eyes shot open and she jerked up. “No!”

She widened her eyes at him and he shot her a reassuring smile. In a blur, she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face into his neck. 

“You’re okay! Maker, I can’t believe you’re okay!” She began to sob into his neck and he brought his hands to the small of her back to rub small circles there. 

“Shh, it was just a bad dream.” He whispered into her ear and he felt her pull him closer to her. 

“They took you away, I heard you screaming and I couldn’t do anything about it. Only listen to your screams and their laughs.” 

“It’s okay. None of it was real.” He swallowed. He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t have similar nightmares of her, only “they” were the demons at Kinloch. 

“Creators, this must be terrible for you to listen to. You have these terrible nightmares regularly and I’m here complaining about these silly dreams I get that sometimes aren’t even weekly.” She let go of his neck and sniffed. 

“No, no it’s okay. You’re allowed to speak of your problems, you know?” He took her hands and pressed kisses to her knuckles. 

“… I don’t want to, they scare me.” Her voice was barely a whisper and he finally understood why she didn’t speak of them. Makers breath, she got them weekly? How didn’t he know of this?

“It’s okay.” He scooted closer to her and pulled her into his arms. “It’s okay, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” 

“I thought that I lost you.” She paused for a moment. “Do… Do you get the same dreams?” 

He held his breath at her question. “I…” Maker, how do you tell the woman that you love that you’ve seen her being tortured in your mind? How do you tell her that you’ve heard her screams of agony and terror? 

“You don’t have to tell me.” Her arms wrapped around his waist and he focused on how she traced shapes on the small of his back. 

“I do, I see the d-demons take you and…” He took a deep breath and continued to focus on the shapes she traced. “I see them take you and torture you, I can’t do anything about it because they trap me behind some type of wall. They make me watch and I can’t do anything about it.” 

“I’m so sorry, Cullen.” She spoke after moments of silence. 

“I think we both fear that we can’t protect each other.” He put his chin on her head and felt her kiss his throat. 

“I think we do.” 

The room was silent again, a cool draft came in through the hole in the roof and Cullen focused on the candle on the nightstand. It had been out for hours now so there wasn’t any smoke coming from it. 

“I read somewhere that two broken people fix each other. It’s rubbish but I think it’s rather sweet.” 

He chuckled, even after a nightmare she was still the sweet, witty woman he loved. “Yes, I suppose it is.” 

“That it’s rubbish or that it’s sweet?” 

“Both.” She snorted at his answer. 

“I love you.” He felt his heart swell at her words, hearing her say the words was still new and gave him butterflies in his stomach. He loved it. 

“I love you too.” 


	13. “it’s over- and it’s for real this time.”

Cullen heard a knock on the door and felt his heart rate speed up. His office was dimly lit since it was evening and it only added to the dread he felt – he was really doing this, this wasn’t a dream. 

He stood from his seat and made his way to the door, each step feeling heavier than the last. His hands shook slightly as he reached for the handle to pull the door open. _He was really doing this_. 

He opened the door to find Aedra standing there with a small smile on her lips, a forced smile. She took a step towards him and gently pecked him on the cheek before making her way inside the office. 

 _This was really happening_. 

“I got the message, you wanted to speak?” she leaned against the the desk and awaited his answer. 

Why was he so nervous? She felt the same, didn’t she? They both knew this was coming, that it was only a matter of time. 

He took a deep breath “I did. I wanted to talk… about us.” 

She glanced at him before averting her gaze to her boots, “Oh, I see. And what would you like to discuss about us?” 

“Please don’t make this any harder than it should be, you know what.” he began, “We rarely talk and don’t even sleep in the same bedroom like we used to, we don’t love each other, it’s been like that for a while now.”

When she didn’t answer he continued. “We may have wanted this at one stage, but not anymore. I just can do this –” 

“I understand, I feel… I feel the same.” she cut him off and spoke softly, still keeping her gaze on her boots. 

“Is this it? Is this where it– where it ends?” his voice cracked at the last word and he felt a small sting in his eyes. Why did this hurt so much if they didn’t care for one another anymore? 

“I suppose it is.” she looked up at him and he watched a tear run down her cheek, “It’s over – it’s really over now.” 

He heard her sniff and quickly wiped his eye, sniffing softly himself. 

“If we don’t care, why does this hurt so much?” she laughed bitterly and sniffed again. 

“I don’t know.” 

She pushed herself off the desk and made her way to the door, gently pushing past him. He thought she was gone but then realised that he never heard the door open or close. 

“Can I… can I ask you a question?” he heard her softly ask. 

“Do you regret this – us? Do you regret being with me?” he had his back to the door so she didn’t see the tears streaming down his face, he knew that she was crying freely as well by the sound of her voice. 

“Not a second.” he whispered. 

“And do you regret being with me?” he asked. 

“You know I’ll always love you, even if you don’t love me back.” 

And with that, she left him. 


	14. “ Of course I care about you, you asshole! “

The smell of perfumes and food was heavy in the ballroom. Aedra tried to avoid nobles and dignitaries as much as she could, but there were times when it just wasn’t possible and she needed to meet with them – so she had to endure the over perfumed scent.

This night felt like it would never end. And to add to the annoying nobles, and the fact that she was a Dalish elf that knew close to nothing about royal balls roaming a ballroom filled with Orlesians, she couldn’t seem to get time alone with the one person she actually _wanted_ near her.

Every time she looked to Cullen, he was surrounded by another noble, another person trying to charm their way into his pants. She resisted the urge to laugh at their attempts, they couldn’t even charm him into having an actual conversation – he was just constantly declining dances or politely telling them that he was taken. That he already had a love.

That part made her heart swell with joy. She was still getting used to being with him, she loved every second of it, she loved _him._

And she’s been trying to tell him that for weeks now, months even.

She glanced his way and watched him blush as he spoke to a group of nobles.

_Time for the Inquisitor to save her knight._

She made her way through the crowd towards him, being sure to apologise to nobles who felt that they were too _important_ to move out of the way and being lightly pushed by her.

 _I hate Orlesians_.

When Cullen glanced up and saw her, she watched him visibly relax. She politely told the people surrounding him to fuck off – though she wished she could have said it impolitely – because she needed to speak with the commander about Inquisition business. They weren’t happy but she didn’t give a nugs ass what they thought.

As they made their way to the garden, she felt him briefly lace their hands together before letting go again, she remembered Josie and Leliana telling the two of them that public displays of affection at the ball wasn’t the best idea when the Commander was the most desired man there.

_I fucking hate Orlais._

When they had finally gotten to the gardens, they found an area that was secluded, but not so much that one would think they were up to something.

“The admirers have gotten handsy, I see.” she joked and giggled when the blush returned to his cheeks.

“Maker, you don’t know what I’d give to be back at Skyhold. Away from all the… _hands_.”

She barked out a laugh but quickly covered her mouth, still giggling into her hand. That certainly earned a few looks.

“Sorry, I forgot happiness wasn’t allowed at the Winter Palace.” she said with a half bitter tone.

“Or any emotion at all, really.” he remarked and she snickered once more.

“Did you hear that couple earlier?” she asked, a smile appearing on her lips.

“ _‘We don’t speak anymore, I feel as if you don’t care!’_ ” he recalled the conversation she was referring to.

“ _‘Of course I care about you, you asshole!’_ ” she played along.

“ _‘Oh my love, why did you not say that in the first place.’_ ” Cullen dramatically brought a hand up to his chest.

She covered her mouth with her hand in an attempt to stifle her giggles, Cullen bit his lip and she saw him struggle to not laugh as well. At least no one paid mind to them giggling like children who had just done something wrong.

“I hope we never become that dramatic, that would be horror.” he joked.

“Please, of course we will. We’ll get married one day and be dramatic over how the curtains don’t match the tablecloth, or how you talk in your sleep and I can’t actually _fall_ asleep.”

“That sounds more like bickering than being dramatic, my dear Inquisitor.” he shot her a small smirk which she returned.

“Same difference.” she remarked and they began walking back inside.

He chuckled, “Not really, but alright.”

“Don’t argue with me commander, we’ll be old by the time I win.” she quipped.

“I wouldn’t mind growing old with you.”

She felt warmth spread across her cheeks but also felt like she could jump for joy.

“Well, it’s a good thing I love you.” she felt the words leave her lips before she could stop them. He stopped in his tracks and looked to her with widened eyes at first, then a smile spread across his lips.

“I love you too.”


	15. Glow

_Her glow was gone._

Cullen didn’t want to admit it, but it was true. He wasn’t talking about the Anchor – Maker, he didn’t even want to think of the pain that thing put her through. No, he was talking about _her_ glow, how she radiated happiness and joy by simply standing in the middle of a room full of people, how infectious her smile and laugh was, the jokes and playful attitude.

It was all gone, _Aedra_ was gone.

Ever since the Exalted Council, when she went through that mirror for the first time. She wasn’t herself after returning, the glow on her hand had brightened but the glow of her personality had faded drastically.

And he couldn’t do a thing about it.

He couldn’t help his _wife_ when she was at her worst, and he hated himself for it.

She told him once that she wasn’t afraid of death, that if she did go she would want to leave doing something that made herself proud. He remembered the conversation well, even if it was only the beginning of the Inquisition, he remembered her determined expression – it was when their friendship starting forming.

He smiled fondly of the moment.

But even as he remembered the words – heard her say them clearly in his mind as he comforted her as she sobbed into his chest from the pain of the Anchor – he somehow felt that they were hollow now. That the woman who uttered those words years ago wasn’t the same as the one weeping from pain in his arms.

No, she had a _reason_ to fight now. She had a reason to stay _alive_ – to come back to him, to _everyone_. Wicked Grace on Fridays, sloppy kisses afterwards. Climbing trees, chocolate, maker, even the bloody mabari had grown attached to her in such a short span of time.

The Herald wasn’t afraid of death, neither was the Inquisitor. _Aedra Lavellan_ was.

“I’m not afraid to die, Cullen.”

She said the words before going through that mirror one last time, he knew from the tears in her eyes that she didn’t mean them.


	16. Liar

_There’s a drumming noise inside my head  
That starts when you’re around _

He was lying to himself, he had to be. The butterflies in his stomach when she smiled or laughed, the constant need to be the _reason_  for that smile or laugh. The way his hands got clammy in his gloves whenever they spoke, he didn’t quite get it in the beginning. 

_I swear that you could hear it  
It makes such an all mighty sound _

Makers breath, the way his pulse sped up when he was around her, he was surprised she didn’t hear anything. Thank Andraste for the feather pauldrons, if they weren’t there she would surely see it in his neck. 

_There’s a drumming noise inside my head  
That throws me to the ground _

But the way he tripped over his own two feet around her, how he stuttered and stammered, that was a giveaway. Did she notice that he keeps licking his lips? Maker, it’s like his mouth goes dry at the sight of her. His capability to speak and just  _not make a fool of himself_  is taken away from him. 

_Louder than sirens  
Louder than bells _

Every glance, every accidental touch, it was like bells rang in his head – like there was a loud ringing and everything stopped. It was so loud and obnoxious that it blocked all sounds off, but when it happened he only focused on  _her_. 

_Sweeter than heaven  
And hotter than hell _

Maker, it sent his head spiraling but it was like the sweetest bliss meeting with the most deadly poison. It made him weak in the knees but it also made him feel like he was flying. 

_I ran to a tower where the church bells chime  
I hoped that they would clear my mind _

He tried walking rounds on the battlements to clear his mind of her. He stopped by the gardens and listened to the prayers, prayed himself.  _Nothing worked_. 

_They left a ringing in my ear  
But that drum’s still beating loud and clear _

When he left the gardens he remembered the prayers, both his own and those of others. Even though he tried so hard, he still couldn’t shake her smile from his mind, the feeling that it gave him. 

 _Louder than sirens_  
Louder than bells  
Sweeter than heaven  
And hotter than hell 

The bells still rang in his head, he still froze around her, he still felt like he was flying. Maker, this had to be a lie. Did he have feelings for the Inquisitor? For Aedra Lavellan? 

 _As I move my feet towards your body_  
I can hear this beat it fills my head up  
And gets louder and louder  
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder 

The answer to those questions? Maker,  _yes_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Florence + the Machine - Drumming Song


	17. Stalk

Would it really be defined as  _stalking_ if he did it too?

Sera pointed it out at breakfast one morning. “You’re stalking him now?” she asked, laughing. 

Aedra blushed and just continued eating, what could she say? Should she just say that she’s seen him do it too? Glance at her when he thought she wasn’t looking, alter his own schedule just to bump into her? Cassandra told her that he needed to be at the training grounds that one morning but why did he show up at the War Room where she was? 

This wasn’t a one sided thing, no. Just like Cullen, she altered her schedule and steal glances. There was even that one time she wore something more revealing to get his attention and they live on a mountain, for Creators’ sake!

No, this was definitely mutual and it was definitely something that the others had noticed. Varric and Dorian giving her knowing glances, Bull bragging about how he had a discussion about  _knots_ and  _ropes_ with Cullen, Maker,  _Cassandra_ had even shooed nobles from a room they were both in.  _That_ was an awkward conversation. 

Who would make the first move? Would he? She? 

“I’m glad that you – that  _so many_  made it out alive,” she stuttered and turned red. He did too. 

No, she would make the first move and he would blush and be adorable like always. He glanced away as a small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth, the blush still bright on his cheeks. 

Sera was wrong, this wasn’t stalking. 

Was it? 

A month or so pass and they share a kiss on the battlements, feelings that were kept for so long are finally shared. The glances somehow increase and accidental touches become intentional. 

No, it wasn’t stalking at all. 


	18. The waver in a person’s voice when they’re stressed

A frustrated sigh escaped her lips as the inkwell dropped to the floor, the black liquid splattered across the stone floor and carpet. Aedra watched the ink bleed into the carpet and into the cracks of the grey stone, the energy and motivation to clean the mess up leaving her quickly.

Just as she got to her feet a knock sounded from the door to her quarters. Taking one last disappointed glance at the ink stain on the ground, she made her way down the stairs to answer the door.

“Inquisitor,” Cullen greeted her with a warm smile. Stray curls fell on his forehead and he had shed his upper armour for the day.

“Commander,” Aedra replied, pushing all her frustration and annoyance back she returned his smile best she could.

Worry flashed over his features and she instantly regretted not hiding her emotions well enough. Cullen had more to worry about than her, she should be able to handle her emotions better, she should be able to live up to the title of  _Herald_ and  _Inquisitor_. She should be able to keep her emotions contained, she wasn’t allowed to be stressed or upset–

“Are you alright?”

Three simple words yet they made her feel almost  _lighter_ , in a way.

She stared at the ground before giving a bitter laugh, her voice cracking as she began to speak. “No, not one bit.”

She moved out of the way so he could enter and she followed him up the stairs. She watched him glance at the stain on the floor and at the mess that was her desk. The papers that were once stacked in a neat pile were now strewn across the floor and desk, either from the wind or from her irritation getting the better of her.

“Apologies for the mess, I wasn’t expecting anyone today,” she picked the inkwell up and set it on the desk, the glass colliding roughly with the wood.

“Aedra…” Cullen moved towards her and held her hands in his, he brought one up to his face and kissed her palm. She almost burst into tears from the simple act and he could see it.

“You need a break and I will  _not_ take any arguments,” his tone was firm yet caring.

“What did you have in mind?”

He hummed as he thought, “A walk along the battlements before returning to the tavern for some Wicked Grace and hot chocolate?”

She gave a tired laugh before answering, “A man after my own heart.”


End file.
